serenelyshe: Usher and Micheal Jackson dance

serenelyshe: Usher and Micheal Jackson dance:

Don't Let Obama Shut Out Endangered Species

Don't Let Obama Shut Out Endangered Species

Save Alberta's grizzlies from logging and roadbuilding: Thank You: Save BioGems

Save Alberta's grizzlies from logging and roadbuilding: Thank You: Save BioGems

It's 2012

  Now that it's 2012 I don't feel any different.  When you get to a certain age you keep thinking I'm supposed to be hitting milestones, but it doesn't seem to happen.  So like when I turned 20 I thought for sure I would be feeling different, but I didn't.  And now that I have children who are either finished or finishing college, I thought this would be a milestone in my life, but it's not making a bit of difference for me in my life.  When you're young you believe in the goodness of people, but I don't any more.  Not after the experiences I keep having with others and their long stories that keep taking me further and further away from my personal goals.  Just like when you go for help and you try to have an open mind, because you're told to do so, and then you get stabbed in the back once again.  It is not just that I am not doing enough to make  a difference.  It's always aimed at me and I am beginning to think that is the exact problem.  Whatever other people don't do is not a problem, but for me it is a big problem.  I am not up to snuff.  I am tired of being measured by what others can accomplish and what I'm not accomplishing for myself in my own life.  It swings both ways, the door that is.  I still long for a better life, but that is just what it is; hopes and dreams, that have no formation in cemented reality.  I have not come across a way to make myself rise up from the much and mire that I consistently find myself in.  It's strange, how some people can just make jumps in their life and keep on climbing but for me it feels more like I'm on a continual climb to a never ending reach into nowhere in particular.  I wish it could all feel a lot different but for right now, I 'm doing but I don't know where it's going to lead me in the long run.  I'd like to have much more concrete ideas of some solid ground from which to walk from,  but I don't feel anything like that.  I'm still like the teenager who hasn't yet come into their own.  Maybe that's because I'm surrounding myself with young people at college.  I still feel like I don't know what I want to be and where I'll be going when I grow up.  And still I'm in the wake of this confusion, but I'm already grown by my timeline.  However not by my age line.